Next Steps

Things have slowed down a little since we received the amazing news that we're matched with a birth mother! So I thought I'd give you all a little update on all that has happened since. My goal with this blog is to first, bring glory to God because he does amazing things when we trust in Him, second, share the domestic infant adoption journey with everyone, step by step, so people have a pretty good idea of the process from the adoptive parent end. I'd love for this blog to bring awareness so that families will begin to naturally discern adoption for their family. There are a lot of amazing children that need Christian homes and as I always say, when you step into the adoption journey, God rocks your socks off and blows you away with His faithfulness in a way you may never get to experience otherwise. I also hope that this particular post will help break the stereotype that is often placed on birthmothers and fathers.

I want to tell you a little about our birth mother, without going into too much detail to respect my child's birth mother and my child. Just a few days after the awesome call from our caseworker telling us we were matched, our caseworker called us to give us, in more detail, the "stats" of our birth mother and father. This is somewhat of a scary part for adoptive parents in the matching process. You really have NO idea WHO you will be matched up with...well to an extent. In the application process you have the opportunity to check the boxes of the types of things/situations you are okay being matched with. We were not too picky on our application meaning we were open to accepting a lot because, well let's face it, we're probably at this point in our lives, not going to field a baseball team with kids (not to put limits on God!) so we felt that as a family, we could maybe handle a little more if that's what the Lord willed for our family. We also felt strongly that all children deserve not only life, but a good life and good parents, no matter their disability or in utero circumstances that may affect them. This part of the process takes quite a bit of discernment, though, I warn you.

So when we got the stats, we learned that our birthmother was not the strung out on drugs stereotype that most would categorize birth mothers to be. She is an honors student in college and so is the birth father.  The birthfather even plays college football! You better believe Matt is super stoked about that part! :) A few days after getting all the information from our agency on our birth parents, down to their height and weight (I know, right!? Crazy), we actually had a phone conversation scheduled with our birthmother. So we set up a google voice number so that she didn't actually have our phone number, in oder to keep privacy. This is typical with our particular agency. The really try to allow birth parents and adoptive parents to build somewhat of a relationship over the course of the last trimester. It's healthy for birth moms and gives them strength and assurance in their decision by really getting the chance to get to  know the adoptive parents.

We were pretty terrified of the conversation leading up to it. We prayed, a LOT but we just didn't know how the conversation would go or if we'd get a scared and unsure teenager on the other end and how we'd be able to handle that. It turned out that we or I, really, was the scared voice on the other end of the phone. She is a strong, confident, smart, beautiful christian who led the entire conversation. She had questions and topics prepared to discuss. She encouraged us. She is amazing. The three of us talked for an hour and there was nothing but complete joy from both ends of the phone. It was the most blessed conversation we could have imagined. And the best part?? No awkward lulls in the conversation, thank you sweet baby Jesus.

One of the biggest and most amazing things we learned was that she is adopted, herself! She was adopted as an infant so she completely gets adoption. She understand the risk we're taking as adoptive parents and how we're really placing our hearts and lives in her hands over the next couple of months. She also has a clear picture of the type of adoption she wants and feels is best for all involved. She wants a semi open adoption, meaning we will exchange pictures and letters through the agency. Her family exchanged pictures and letters with her birthmother and she saw the confidence it gave her as she grew to know where/who she came from. But she also understands that communication other than that would not be a good idea. This is exactly what we wanted and hoped for! We want to be able to tell our child that he was placed for adoption because his birthmother loved him and knew he needed a father and a mother that could raise him and love him, well.

The other amazing thing we discovered talking with her is that she is a Christian. Before she could even choose a family (before her third trimester), she found our profile on the Gladney online profile site and she just "knew that we were the parents of her baby". So for three months her and her family prayed we'd still be available when the time came that she could choose. Three months, people. Three months she has been praying specifically for us. That blew my mind and still does.

She's a beautiful woman making an amazing choice for her child. She's putting her child above her own wants. Some people view adoption as the opposite which is not true. She first chose life when she had an unplanned pregnancy and then discerned and chose adoption, knowing her child could be given an amazing life with both a father and a mother in his life. She chose adoption because she was intimately familiar with it because her mother had chosen the same road. A culture of life has trickled down the generations in her family because adoption was the option when unplanned pregnancies happened. Adoption gives life to so many. We've witnessed that communities rise up to embrace adoptive parents and the children placed for adoption, both prayerfully and even financially. We've witnessed our birth mothers be encouraged and embraced by adoptive parents (us) through this process, hopefully giving them peace and inner healing through this difficult choice rather than shame they may feel. We'll see a child who will be blown away that his birth mother emulated Christ's love for him in choosing true life in a culture that's fighting against a child's right to life. Like Christ, choosing life for her child isn't by any means the easy road. In fact, it's the road less traveled these days. But her courage and love will spread like a wild fire for generations to come in our family and hers.

So the next steps for us? We're traveling to Texas to meet with our caseworkers and our birth mother on Aug 8th. We'll have a lunch and who knows what we'll talk about. But we feel SO much better about meeting her after talking with her on the phone and after exchanging a few emails back and forth. I'm also so excited to be that close in proximity to our baby! So cool!

Prayer requests? Pray for our birthmother, that she stays firm and continues to feel the peace of the Lord in her life and in her decision. Pray for our child, keep him safe and healthy and at peace in her womb as well. Pray for us as we wait these 50-some days. Yes, that is SO close BUT for an adoptive parent SO far. I had a freak out moment last night to Matt. It literally sometimes feels like I am blind folded and jumping off a bridge and the only thing I can do is trust in God. That freakin' scares me!! There is absolutely nothing in my control. And this isn't just any old thing we're dealing with here. We're talking about our child, our family. Something we've longed for for so many years. The unknown and anticipation really scares me. I just want it to get here so I KNOW that things have worked out well for us and that we're flying back to VA with our baby in hand. I'm clinging to Jesus most days around here. So prayers are SO greatly appreciated.

Feeling a lot like Peter lately, somedays I'm walking on water and other days I feel like I'm sinking:

"Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd.  After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone,  and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

-Matthew 14