What an amazing whirlwind it has been since we got the call from our caseworker that we have been picked by a birth mother. We spent the rest of that week, well, I spent the rest of that week having random moments of uncontrollable tears of joy. It has been beautiful.
The following Monday, our caseworker called us to give us all the details and medical history about the birth mother and father and extended family that she had. SO glad she didn't try to give me all that info. at the Pirates game. Ha! I was just so overwhelmed with joy that my brain could only process one thing, we're matched.
After telling me all the information she had, she asked, "So can I tell the birth mother and her caseworker it's official?" "Oh it's official, it has been official since the moment you called us on July 4th", I said. :)
When we signed up with the adoption agency, we signed up to be parents. Period. There isn't anything this child could or couldn't be that would make us hesitant to embrace him as our son. Some may even wonder if shouting from the roof tops that we're having a baby or decorating a nursery before we actually hold this baby in our arms and can claim him legally is a good idea, especially after losing a child through a failed adoption once before. We made the decision to love and pray for and embrace this little boy like he is our own from the moment we're matched. Why not? We've already experienced the pain of losing a child once. We know what that feels like. It hurts, a lot. But there is one thing we NEVER regretted and that was embracing Josiah as our son fully from the beginning. It's almost like being pregnant. You never know if you'll miscarry at any moment in the pregnancy. Miscarriages happen a lot. And they are so incredibly painful at any stage in the pregnancy. But there was a child in your womb that God put in your life if only for a short period of time. Being a parent isn't contractual. There is no guarantee that you won't get hurt. And there is no guarantee that you'll reap any benefits of raising a child. There IS pain and there IS suffering as a parent. Think of God the Father and him losing His son, rather yet, offering up His only Son for people that take or leave His death and resurrection every single day. That's got to hurt. But He did it anyway. Because He's a Father who fully embraces parenthood and loves His children, unconditionally, whether they are technically His or not yet.
But don't get me wrong, I'm scared. There are moments when I wonder if this will turn out much like before and our son's birth mother will, in the end, decide to parent her child. I even had a dream or nightmare really, just last night that the birth father actually decided on the day of the birth, to parent. It was a really bad dream and I am expecting to have many more dreams and rough nights of sleep these next two months. There are obviously still wounds from before that are coming through that I need healing from. I need to TRUST fully in Jesus that we are going through this right now for a purpose and that God's purpose for my life is far greater than any of my plans and hopes.
So, we embrace you, our sweet son. We're waiting for you. We can't wait to meet you. To see your face for the first time. To whisper in your ear every single day how incredibly love you are. And how there is nothing you can ever do to change our unwavering love for you.
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