In the meantime, Matt and I are working hard at studying to become expert parents. Ha! We are required to take parent prep classes offered locally throughout our waiting time and we had our first class last week. It was good to be doing something because it reminds you during the quiet waiting time, that we really are expecting a child! When you aren't physically carrying a child, there isn't that minute by minute reminder. So, the classes are nice. It also has Matt and I talking a lot about our parenting styles, wants and desires for our child and family.
As I begin to prepare to become a mom, I feel like God has been exposing me a lot lately. Just all around, showing me the things I need to continue to work on in my heart and life to be the best mom I can be and to bring my child further into holiness. Being exposed hurts but God's carefully showing me things He desires for me and my child.
Worthiness is something I struggle with, a lot. I'm sure, to an extent, we all do. But growing up in a broken home with no father figure has left a permanent mark on my heart. My life has felt like a constant struggle to "measure up" so that others will love me. I'm competitive in nature, but that partially comes from deep rooted brokenness. Sure, my competitive spirit has it's good moments, I try hard at everything I do, I am physically active and it helps me accomplish things I never thought I could, like a half marathon last summer but it also has it's major downfalls. It's hard to truly enjoy life and people when you don't think others accept you for you and see you as God sees you. You always feel inadequate.
My friend,Cristina, recently posted on facebook a blog post she came across about make up wearing and raising children. You can check out the blog post here. That blog led me to another blog post called "I'm not pretty enough." Violet, age 3. Ouch. Just the title of that blog has you thinking, huh?
This blog post really had me examine my mindset behind make up and how I have been personally chained to cosmetics for a decade and a half. Ouch. When I was younger, I wore make up because I struggled with acne. Then I began wearing eye make up and eventually, somewhere quickly, it became impossible for me to leave the house without it. I no longer loved my eyes. I felt like they were too small or not feminine enough. Eye liner and mascara gave me the eyes I loved. But this week, I have heard the Lord whisper, ever so gently, as I have stopped wearing make up for a couple of days, "Those are the eyes, I love".
Now, I work from home, with babies, so not wearing make up to work for me is, well...pretty easy so I'm not claiming to be a super hero here. But hey, it's a start. I do see other friends and adults daily as they drop off their fresh faced beautiful babies every day...so, I would say I am a little exposed, right?
This is not an Arbonne plug...okay maybe it is. But I have also begun using some of the Arbonne facial products like moisturizers and cleansers and it has also given me another reason to begin to think about what I am putting on my face and how I am taking care of my skin. I had no idea that cosmetics in our country are barely regulated by the FDA. And that there are so many toxins in our make up. I find it so insulting that our society says that women need to wear make up, use hair spray, etc. to be acceptable but then they don't even regulate it. Did you know that tar is used in mascara? Whaa?? Crazy. Materials are used in make up that can't be used anywhere else because it is considered waste. So, we're putting WASTE on our face??? Nice.
Okay, enough ranting about the ingredients of make up. There is more to it than going green or being healthy. I'm more worried about my interior health and what that will say to our one day, child. Whether it be a son or daughter, our child will learn that they are loved and valued by God through us as parents, first. And they will learn that most profoundly through our example. That's rather scary considering that's my biggest spiritual struggle. I have always said that I don't want my daughter wearing make up until she is 18. Or dying her hair until she can afford it herself (after age 18), and I'm not talking about a $7.99 box color, but at a high end salon where it is done right. But there is more to parenting than setting rules, I have to live by example. I'm not quite sure how I plan to live that out. Thankfully, I have a little time to figure it out. I'm going to be honest. I don't plan on giving up make up entirely. I actually am quite passionate about make up and hair. And it's a little known dream of mine to do hair for a living, one day. I just LOVE being in salons ha! Ask my hair dresser, she can hardly keep me out of there! I love that make up, hair and fashion are fun ways to express ourselves, artistically. I love the challenge of conquering unruly hair into a fun style. Or wearing make up according to my mood or the occasion. I know that you can absolutely be a holy women of God who also loves fashion and style! I don't think there is anything wrong with this...but it becomes wrong when I hide behind those things or can't see the light of day without "putting my face on". It's a scary pit to climb out of. But it's so incredibly important to be comfortable in your own skin for your children's holiness.
Children's faces are so beautiful because they are untouched and pure just like their little souls. Shouldn't we all be striving to get back to being the spotless bride of Christ? But we spend our entire lives, covering up, not only our sins, but our beauty, too. It's important, at least for me, to learn to be exposed more often. And I plan to try. So...if you happen to see me not wearing make up or wearing considerably less make up, know that it's not easy and I could use some prayers because, well, I'm trying.
Today I am taking the first step out of the pit by going to lunch with my sister and nephew without make up...yes, in a public place, with real people. And I even plan to look people in the eye and hold my head up, rather than looking down or away. Why? Because God made me, and He doesn't make mistakes, like ever.
Have you been chained to cosmetics? How do you plan to expose God's beautiful creation, untouched, for all the world to see? Trust me, it's scary but incredibly freeing.
Unashamed beauty.
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."- 1 Peter 3:3-4
"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you."- Song of Solomon 4:7
