Adoption Benefit Concert- Fiddlin' and Fun!

Hey Ya'll! As you're filling out your brand, spankin' new calenders for the New Year (what? am I the only one that gets excited for a sparkling new calender?), be sure to Save The Date for our awesome Benefit Concert on Sunday, January 27th at 3:00pm. Matt's uncle has graciously offered to have his band, The Company Store, play a benefit concert for our adoption. ALL ticket sales will go towards our adoption fund. And frankly, it's just going to be good 'ol fashioned fun! How cool will it be to take photos of this awesome event and one day tell our baby of all the love and people that came out to this event to support us and play a part in bringing him or her home to us!? I get butterflies just thinking about it!



Tickets are $10.00 for adults; $5.00 for children 12 and under. Babies that sit in mama's laps are FREE!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
3:00PM-5:00pm at
New Creation Renewal Center, 1600 Elbow Road Chesapeake, VA
Refreshments will be provided!

Seating is limited, so please, email me at hamrick.kimberly@gmail.com if you're interested in buying tickets in advance and reserving your seats at this awesome  show!

Wondering what kind of show this will be?


The Company Store stocks and delivers American-made string-band music with an
energy and enthusiasm sure to satisfy the pickiest of ears and shuffle the
clumsiest of feet.  Featuring robust fiddlin', exuberant singin', and family humor,
the Company Store is a crowd favorite wherever they set up shop!
 
Mixing together the all-natural ingredients of America’s own music, fiddle melodies
from Virginia’s Appalachians, tight harmonies from Kentucky’s bluegrass and moving
spirituals from the Carolina hills, then folding in some hearty laughter, they stock
the Store with an assortment of vocal refrains, good fiddlin’ and country humor
that some say can turn sour apple vinegar into sweet maple syrup.
 
When you first enter the Store, their hospitality will grab you, compelling you to
sit a spell and over-indulge on their can’t-stop-grinnin’ offerings.  They create
brand-new old-fashioned good times, with the energy of a barn-raisin’ and the “Ya’ll
come” hospitality of Sunday supper at Grandma and Grampa’s.
 
So, if you’re hungry for some savory, homemade fiddlin’ and fun “roots music”, drop
in on the staff at the Company Store!

Mid Home Study Update

I thought I'd take a moment to update ya'll on how things are looking on the adoption front. We're about half way through our home study process. Our agency had said that the home study process would take a good three months to complete. Not sure why we thought we would excel through the process and complete it faster and without wrinkles. And although things have gone pretty smoothly and quickly, it can't go fast enough for me :) I'm just really excited to see what God has in store for us.

We have completed two out of the three home study visits. We met with our social worker once at her office, she came once to our home (more on that later) and we're awaiting to schedule our third meeting with her but Thanksgiving is sort of getting in the way of that. But trust me, we will NOT go without recognizing our blessings THIS Thanksgiving. The process of adoption has been one blessing after another.

Our first meeting with our social worker was pretty nerve wracking but I think that's just sort of the way it goes for all couples. We were almost late (!) due to my husband losing his wallet the day prior and him being at the bank to straighten things out with that. No worries, all money and hopefully identity is secure now :) But to almost be late to our first visit with the social worker?!?!? Ahh! I think I have like 5 more grey hairs now. Nice. But we weren't late just maybe a little frazzled in the beginning of our meeting. The meeting with our social worker was actually pretty awesome. Instead of her "checking us out" to see if we'd be fit parents, it's more like pre parenting counseling. We talk about our relationship as a married couple and how that will change as we become parents. She even gave us a very important  homework assignment when we left...to figure out how we are still going to have date nights. I just thought that was so cool. For the past twelve years, date nights have been very important to us in our relationship. So many times, I think, couples lose sight of who they are or who they were as a madly in love unit. And that honestly hurts no one more than the child. In our world today, children need to see parents in love. Our social worker encouraged us to not become a child centered family. That advice sort of through me off guard at first but I have come to really understand that statement as I've reflected on it over the last few weeks. First and foremost, we'll be Christ-centered. I fully intend to love God, love my husband, love my child, in that order period.

Our second visit was our home visit where our social worker (who is awesome by the way, really great Christian lady) came to our home. She gave us a checklist ahead of time that showed all that she was needing to see in our home. Things like a fire extinguisher , which we always have thanks to our dear, awesome practical brother Ben who gives them to all of us at Christmas every three years or so when they expire. Thanks, Ben! I think we passed because of you ;) Other things included having your cleaning chemicals locked and away and things like that. Our social worker arrive ten minutes early. We think that is their plan...to catch us off guard :) We had individual interviews with her in our home. She asked us questions like how do we describe our spouse, what kinds of things do we argue about and how do we resolve them. Then finally we come together to talk about the training we have been doing on our own. We have ten plus hours of training along with quizzes that we are doing on our own through this process. And that was it. Waaaay more internal stress than needed. But that's just me...a mess. I do think, however, that I had one too many smells going on for the home visit. I had this pretty strong Yankee candle that had been burning for half the day, I brewed some coffee and baked some hot gooey cookies for the visit. She didn't eat anything and by the time she left..I wanted to open the windows. Ha! Hope she didn't think I was trying to mask a bad smell with all those scents I had going on. Oh well....I'm sure she gets things like that all the time.

Through all this, we've been so blessed. The process has gone really smoothly despite my overly anxious tendencies in life. I'm SO blessed with a calm, cool and collected husband. We're growing a lot and God is really shaping us through this process to lean on Him and each other through everything which is absolutely what we will need when our little one gets here.

Miracles: Yard Sale Results!

Were miracles meant to be a temporary thing? When we read the old and new testaments of the bible, do we read about the miracles performed both by Jesus AND his apostles as things of the past? Do we read about the wonders of the Lord and think to ourselves, "Well that was nice...what about us?". The wedding feast at Cana, the multiplying of the loaves and fishes, Peter healing the lame man in the book of Acts? Can miracles like these happen today? I will tell you, I will never read about the signs and miracles of the Lord the same after this past weekend.

This weekend was a weekend that came with much anticipation. It was not only the weekend of our first big adoption yard sale fundraiser but also the weekend of our first son, Josiah's, second birthday. It was truly a weekend full of hope and sacrifice, much like we've found the christian life to be. I found myself wondering how Josiah is doing. He's two this year..he must be beginning to talk. I wondered about what his little voice sounds like, how his little waddle of a walk must look like.  But between the thoughts and emotions of Josiah, I found myself busily getting ready for our big yard sale on Saturday along with our much anticipated home visit by our social worker the following Monday.

I had no idea what to expect from our yard sale, honestly. I knew we had a few donations here and some at my sister's house so at least we had something to sell. I knew that a few people said they would come out and I knew that our sweet family friend, Debbie Wilson, had put an ad in the local paper about our yard sale. So I was hopeful...but honestly, not as hopeful as I should have been. I realize now that my expectations of the Lord's provision was definitely on the...low end.

The days leading up to the yard sale, all I could utter in prayer was that the day would be filled with joy. That's it. I didn't pray for monetary success. I didn't ask for a specific monetary amount to be provided by the Lord. I asked for JOY.

As we arrived before dawn at my sister's house to set up on that cold saturday morning, we felt like the donations were literally multiplying (miracle one) as we pulled donations out of our cars and my sister's garage. The sun wasn't even up and people were already there waiting (miracle two), with flashlights in hand, to check out our "merchandise". A steady flow of joyful customers filled our day from 7am to 2pm. No joke...there wasn't one moment where we didn't have someone buying from us.

The day was filled with immense joy(miracle three). By a recommendation from a friend, we served hot coffee to everyone that came out to the yard sale whether they bought something or not, just to say thank you for coming out. This was a huge, huge hit! People loved the generosity. Honestly, who gives out free coffee with french vanilla creamer at a yard sale? It really warmed people up...literally. :) Smiles were all around. And on top of all the joy, we had some amazing discussions with complete strangers about the beauty of adoption! I personally had three people that I had never met learn that the yard sale was for our adoption, tell me that they were adopted! One lady came to our yard sale JUST to encourage us in our adoption. She had read the newspaper ad that this yard sale was for an adoption and she herself adopted her son over 20 years ago and wanted to come by just to talk with us and encourage us in our journey.

And lastly, a huge miracle happened. God provided for our adoption in a big way. The grand total of our simple yard sale was $2,300!!!! We had no idea how much God would provide through this and were blown away by the totals.

Who said God isn't alive and moving in our world today? Who said the miracles of the bible are a thing of the past? We. Saw. God. Move and we saw his people bless us in ways that we can hardly grasp. Tears streamed  with joy all weekend long. At Mass, I could hardly contain my tears when thinking back over the joyous day, God blessed us with. We witnessed miracle after miracle this weekend and we are forever changed. God is faithful.

Battleground

Yesterday afternoon I had the opportunity to speak about our adoption journey at the 40 Days for Life closing rally at St. Gregory's.  After running into the Virginia Beach 40 Days for Life campaign coordinator Marcia Hurley a couple weeks earlier, during our trip to Planned Parenthood, she asked if we would speak a little about our process and the beauty of adoption.  Somewhat ironically, Kim had already committed to a baby shower that coincided with the time of the closing rally, so I attended solo, but accompanied by the prayers of my great wife (who happens to be the inspiration behind all my talks).

The closing rally consisted of recognizing the tremendous sacrifice and effort of numerous volunteers, acknowledging the many parishes filling time slots through the forty day period, and general celebration in the great work that God accomplished through this last campaign.  But the bulk of the closing rally were two testimonies on adoption.  Marcia stated that adoption had been on her heart, and I am unsure if this was before running into her or after, but regardless, props to the Holy Spirit!

For my talk, I shared a little about the perspective gained during the day of our Planned Parenthood visit, briefly our experience of adopting Josiah, then touched on the way Romans 8:15 has spoken to us and our view of the gospel, and last the deceptive nature of the phrase "pro-choice."  The last piece was a result of a recent email that struck a chord with me.  The national 40 Days for Life campaign director sends daily emails encouraging the local 40 Days for Life chapters with praise reports, scripture, and reflection.  Day 36 contained a reflection that spoke about the cruel irony of that deceptive phrase "pro-choice."  Most women with unplanned pregnancies don't get abortions because of freedom of choice, but rather because they feel they have no freedom and no choice.  They often feel trapped, helpless, scared, and unsupported, with no other way to turn.  Their "choice" is very limited, squeezed within the narrow confines of pressure, fear, uncertainty, and desperation.  This is EXACTLY where 40 Days for Life steps in.  This is exactly what the volunteers have been sacrificing their time and energy for during the last forty days.  Providing a hand to the helpless, a light to those in fear, encouragement to those abandoned, and most importantly HOPE to the hopeless. 

The men and women in that St. Gregory's room on Sunday afternoon are the true front-line soldiers for Truth and Hope.  They are the dedicated prayer warriors that tred into brutal enemy territory.  It is holy work that most people aren't willing to attempt.  It is holy work that takes a toll on the mind, body, and heart.  But the overwhelming sentiment illuminating the room from those courageous men and women was a bond that could not be broken by the lies and deception of the abortion industry.  It is a bond unbreakable, because it is forged by their underlying unity in sacrifice and noble calling.  I attended the closing rally thinking that I would be able to offer encouragement through my talk on our adoption process, but it was I who went away encouraged beyond expectation.

For me, the highlight of the afternoon was the other adoption testimony by a remarkable lady named Millie.  Millie shared the story of how she had placed her child for adoption many years ago after being transformed from a pro-abortion mindset to one of adoption.  God has since confirmed her decision in a million different ways...even sharing how the daughter she birthed has since gone on "to meet popes and presidents" (JPII and Bush), not to mention grown up to be a tennis star, IB student, and homecoming queen!  Millie chose to give LIFE to her daughter and life to a family of adoptive parents.  In our trip to Texas for our adoption orientation with Gladney, the session with birth mothers (that had or were going to place their child for adoption) clearly had the most impact on us and the rest of the attendees.  Millie's own story only confirmed the selfless heroism that comes from a birth mother choosing life for her child and placing them for adoption.  It truly was an inspirational story that once again demonstrated God's plan for life is more sacred than we can wrap our minds around.

Today's daily reflection from Pope Benedict XVI was on Christian life.  He stated that Christian life is communal life.  The Church as a source for communal life and support is often unfamiliar to many.  However, a community that shares, celebrates, suffers, and prays together becomes a community of life.  It becomes a beacon of light to a darkened world.  It becomes a source of hope for the fearful and abandoned.  As I listened to the pope's daily reflection, I could not help but think of the group at the closing rally.  The volunteers of the 40 Days for Life are a perfect illustration of what communal life encompasses.

The battleground cliche is often overused.  But the spiritual battleground that 40 Days for Life fights in is as real as it gets...because lives are literally on the line, with Planned Parenthood discarding humans into trashbags as medical waste.  Working for life is not for the faint of heart; but working for life is sacred work.  I encourage you to check out the Virginia Beach chapter or your own local chapter.  The work of Marcia Hurley, Dan Hurley, Louantha Kerr, Cheri Britt, Deacon Bob, and the rest of the Life warriors is inspirational.  Please, check it out, get involved, and support this holy ministry.

http://www.40daysforlife.com/virginiabeach/

Adoption Fundraiser THIS SATURDAY!!

My sweet, sweet sister-in-love, Christi, has written it best in her recent blog post, Be a Hero. You have the opportunity to be a hero in one child's life in a big, big way THIS Saturday! God asks each of us over and over to be a father to the fatherless, defender of widows in psalm 68:5. He goes on to say that He will place the lonely in families in the following verse. Whether you're able or feel called right now to adopt or not, there are ways you can be a father to the fatherless and help our Lord place orphans in families...particularly our family. :)

Please consider coming out to our yard sale this Saturday and purchasing some things for yourself or someone else! Some of the highlighted items we have available is a short board surf board, several night stands and end table, foosball table, tons of baby items including exersaucers, baby gates and packnplays, complete queen bed set with matching window treatments, towel and rug set for the bathroom, modern teal ceramic decorative vase (I almost wanted to steal this one, ask my husband!), wall art, handmade blank greeting cards donated by my friend, Karen Peterson, kitchen supplies, dark brown canvas accent chair that folds out to a bed, dressers, clothes for the older generation along with clothes from my closet and SO much more! Come check it out!

Thank you so much to all that have donated items for this yard sale. You have no idea how much it means to us. You may think it's a simple thing to do to clean out your closets and donate your unwanted things but your actions have beautiful and eternal consequences. The community support, both near and far, has shown us even more the awesome community that we have. We are SO excited to surround our future child with that kind of love and support.

If you can't make it out to the yard sale but would still like to support us in our adoption journey, please consider donating what you think you'd spend at our yard sale via our paypal account.

We love you and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Counting the Cost

I've been wanting to write this post for a while and break down the cost of our adoption for you. When we tell people how much adoption actually costs, eye brows raise high with astonishment and we're usually given the question, "Why on earth does it cost so much to give a baby a good home?" Good question. Here's the answer:

Adoption Break Down

 Gladney Adoption Fees:

$150 Application Fee
$14,900 ABC Program Fee (more on what ABC actually means and why we chose it later)
$500 Home Study Review Fee (because we live out of state and need a VA agency to do the HS)

"Wait, hold up...where does the $14,900 go??"

The program fee covers any and all birth mother expenses that may be needed such as medical and living expenses if our birth mother chooses to stay in the Gladney maternity home. It covers the time our child may need to stay in transitional care. This fee also covers lifetime counseling services that Gladney offers to us, our child and for the birth mother, both before and after placement.

Datz Foundation Fees:
$1500- Home Study Fee
$1050- 3 Post Placement visits by our social worker

Attorney Fee:
At Finalization, 6 months after we have our baby, we will travel again to Texas for our court date to finalize our adoption and a minimal fee (we're approximating $500) will be due to our attorney at that time.

Travel Expenses:

We approximate we'll travel to Texas a total of 3 times during the course of the year to meet birth moms and finally to bring our baby home!
Plane tickets- $1800-$2000 (we plan to try to score tickets for $300 a piece like we did our first time traveling to Texas. Feel free to donate flyer miles to us if you'd like!
That would help SO much!

We are hoping our stay in Texas will be free since my Aunt has good friends only 45 minutes from Gladney that said we are welcome to stay with them during our visits. Praise be to Jesus!

Total Adoption Expenses:

$20,600

God is able.

What A Day!

Today Matt and I decided to take the day off and get some much needed adoption requirements done and out of the way. We thought taking one whole day to run errands around town was good and less stressful idea. And boy let me tell you...it was an awesome decision. God really blessed our day.

It began with picking up some yard sale items from a family friend. This friend said they just had a "few items" which later turned into a TON of awesome stuff! We brought my tiny toyota echo over there and with one look at the amount of things she had to donate, we became a little worried. There was no way it was all going to fit in my car. Let me tell you, God never ceases to amaze me. With my engineer of a husband, we meticulously crammed every last thing into every nook and cranny of my little car. It all fit! We were all pretty much amazed. God is good.

After that, we took a nice drive over to the court houses to get finger printed. I had a feeling that the places we went today were going to be miserable. You know, the court houses, DMV, etc. They aren't exactly what you think of as joyful places to be. But TODAY, they were! We barely had to wait in lines and everyone that we told we were adopting all said things like, "So are you excited?!", "Congratulations!", and "So are you getting a boy or a girl?".  From the bank teller to the DMV lady to the finger printing lady...ALL made our day so exciting and joyful! God could not have covered this day more....well, actually He did cover it more...

You see, our adoption agency has us complete three outreach requirements. This means that we are to tell three people or organizations about Gladney and about adoption. They recommended people like pastors, counselors and they require one obgyn. I had completed two of the three requirements by giving information to our pastor as well as our youth minister at our parish who happens to be our brother. We thought those were good people to give this information to since our pastor and youth and young adult minister would be in close connection with individuals who could end up with an unplanned pregnancy. This way, they would have resources to offer them about adoption. My last requirement was to give information to an obgyn. I actually haven't been to a local gynecologist for a couple of years because I have been seeing our Catholic doctor in Pennsylvania and getting my yearly exams there. So I had the choice to either google search a nearby obgyn and drop by with the information there or do what my heart knew God wanted me to do.

I felt strongly for weeks to take the information to Planned Parenthood, the largest abortion provider in the United States. Something like over half of Planned Parenthood's income comes from abortions. Needless to say, adoption is not a high priority for them. They make their money from killing babies. We felt strongly that we were to go to Planned Parenthood and share with them that we're a young couple wanting and willing to adopt and that there are reputable agencies available to women with unplanned pregnancies. We wanted to be a witness to the staff and to the men and women in the waiting room that abortion is not necessary and that there are so many couples willing to adopt. As we arrived to Planned Parenthood, we were greeted, as we knew we would be, by some amazing prayer warriors with the Forty Days for Life campaign. They are powerful praying people who come out daily to pray for those entering and leaving the clinic. They are also there to talk to any birth mom or father who need someone to talk to. As we parked, one of the prayer warriors offered to give us brochures (thinking we were a couple heading in for an abortion) but when we told them what we were doing, they were so excited for us to be witnessing in this way. They did, however, warn us that we might not be allowed in. Planned Parenthood had apparently turned down several people earlier today for various reasons. If you've ever been to Planned Parenthood, it's a pretty creepy place, if I do say so myself. They have the place on high security. Straight up, lock down. You have to be buzzed in on both the outside door but also to the inside door into the waiting room. I've prayed there before but have never tried to enter.

So we blessed ourselves with some holy water and marched into, what felt spiritually like, a war zone. I just knew that there was a battle going on for these women and children in the spirit world, not to mention in our country right now. We prayed as we walked up to the clinic doors. I told the lady over the intercom that we were a married couple trying to fulfill outreach requirements for our adoption agency and that we had information to give them on our agency. Who knows why but by the grace of God, the lady on the intercom actually allowed us in. Had to be the Holy Spirit. We entered and spoke with the nurse in the waiting room where several patients could hear, hoping the word adoption would play over and over in their minds like a song they couldn't get out of their heads. The nurse seemed extremely on guard at first, not sure what we were there to say. But we were pleasant and godly and told her about the agency and our plans to adopt through them. We told the lady that we felt like this would be a good place to give this information to, seeing as how they come across so many women with unplanned pregnancies. We also shared with her that our agency would be willing to send a representative there to educate their staff on adoption and Gladney in order for Planned Parenthood to truly be able to referral people to adoption. We finished our conversation and handed over the brochures and information to the nurse and headed out on our way. God covered the meeting from top to bottom. Pray the Holy Spirit would do some work in the life of the nurse, Jessica, we spoke to as well as those ten or so people sitting in the waiting room, listening.

We'll never be sure of the implications of our words at Planned Parenthood today. But we do know that when God tells us to act, we act...and God handles the rest. He has shown us this over and over again through this adoption journey. Pray, pray, pray for more praying people to act on the Holy Spirit induced urge to head out to Planned Parenthood to pray and be a witness to life. Pray for those men and women entering for abortions and leaving from abortions. Pray that they would somehow have the heart of a mother and of a father and care more for their child's needs than their own. Pray for healing in the hearts of women who have already had abortions. Pray for the doctor's, nurses and all the workers at Planned Parenthood, that their hearts would be opened to the Holy Spirit and His truth about life. Pray for conversions and the boldness to act. Pray for our nation and our future President and administration to see life that life begins at conception and to put an end to the evils of abortion.

Pray.

Coolest House on the Block

This year is full of so many fun things! We're so excited to be on the journey to adopting our son or daughter and we're super stoked to have our community involved in the process with us. We're having a yard sale in order to raise some funds for our adoption and the amount of people donating is just amazing! The support we're getting just fills our hearts with so much joy. It's also filling our houses with a lot of stuff! So come on out on November 3rd, and buy some of it! We've got some good stuff, too!! Surf boards, Foosball Table, end tables, clothes from my closet, etc!

Another little way Matt and I are celebrating our adoption journey and spreading the word about adoption is with our neighbors this halloween! You see, Wendy's (yes, the fast food restaurant) is selling 10 free junior frosty coupons for a $1 donation to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. So...Matt and I plan to buy between 5 and 10 coupon booklets which will enable us to give out between 50 and 100 free junior frosty coupons to kids, instead of candy. It's fun, unique, and spreads the word about adoption to our community! On the back of the coupon it says, "There are more than 100,000 children in foster care who need a family right now. We're dedicated in helping them find loving, adoptive homes through our partnership with the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and Wendy's Wonderful Kids Program. To learn more, please visit wendys.com/givingback. "

It's a fun way to share the news with our neighbors and spread the word about adoption as the option! I think sometimes when young people are faced with an unplanned pregnancy, they often wonder who will adopt their baby. They may think there isn't anyone out there willing. They may have never even met someone who has adopted before. So, we feel it's our calling to show people a couple that are adopting. Show them that there ARE loving people out there that would adoption their child. And show them that abortion is never, ever necessary.

So...stop by our home this halloween and you'll get a free junior frosty coupon from the Hamrick home celebrating life, celebrating adoption!

Praying for YOU...

"LORD, you have probed me, you know me:

you know when I sit and stand;

you understand my thoughts from afar.

You sift through my travels and my rest;

with all my ways you are familiar.

Where can I go from your spirit?

From your presence, where can I flee?

If I ascend to the heavens, you are there;

if I lie down in Sheol, there you are.

If I take the wings of dawn

and dwell beyond the sea,

Even there your hand guides me,

your right hand holds me fast.

You formed my inmost being;

you knit me in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, because I am wonderfully made;

wonderful are your works!

My very self you know."

-Psalm 139

This is one of those days that I dream of our little one. An autumn morning where leaves begin to fall and there is an excitement in the air. This is one of those mornings where I feel somehow close to a child that I have never met. I have no idea God's plan and His timing in bringing our baby to us but as things progress in our adoption process,  excitement rises up in our hearts. Our yearning burns even more to meet our son or daughter. It's mornings like these that I wonder if our child has even been conceived yet... and then I pray so, so earnestly for him or her. It's a strange feeling to love something so much when you haven't even met him or her yet. You sometimes feel a little wacko. But then I am reminded in scripture that even before our child is formed in his/her mother's womb, He/she is loved by our heavenly Father, too. And I don't feel as crazy. :)

There is so much that I pray for, for our son or daughter. And the church's daily scripture readings remind me of how to pray for my child. I pray that my child would know and believe the words in Psalm 139... to the core. That he/she would know they are fearfully and wonderfully made, worthy of every good thing.  I pray that our child would know the guidance of the Spirit and trust in it throughout his/her life. I pray that they would never feel lonely and find comfort in his/her perfect Father in heaven. I pray that he/she would grow to learn that our family was knit together by God in a way that beautifully represents the gospel message and our relationship with our heavenly Father. I pray that our family would always be a reminder to him/her of our Father's love for him/her and humanity....that our Lord has "formed and fashioned our human family to share in the infinite love of the Trinity".

...And during those times when my heart is exhausted and I have so, so much to pray. When all my words scramble together and all I can manage to do is kneel...

...I utter the words of Paul...

"For this reason I kneel before the Father,

from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,

that he may grant you in accord with the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner self,

and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, rooted and grounded in love,

may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."

- Ephesians 3

It's just one of those days...when all my heart can do is pray.

Empty Tomb

After a night of babysitting my nephew so that my sister and brother in law could have a much needed date night, I decided to stop by St. Matthew's perpetual adoration chapel for some prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. The chapel is on the way home and, I tell you, there isn't a time that I pass it that I don't hear God's still, small voice saying, visit me.

As I drove up to the chapel, the first thing I noticed was that there were no cars parked outside. Not a one! This was strange as Jesus is never left alone, not even for a minute. But I proceeded to enter the chapel in hopeful expectation that my Jesus would be there and that the hourly adorer must have simply walked there that night. Much to my dismay when I entered the chapel, Jesus was missing! I quickly began to turn away as if the adoration chapel were a store who's closed sign was lit. But as I walked away, something took me back there.

So I sat there in the chapel doing what I had gone there to do, pray for people. You see, we sent out our support letters earlier this week. Financing this adoption is a huge leap of faith...a leap we had put off for a long, long time. And as we have sent out our letters for support and have received a few responses back, our lives have begun to change drastically. I am beginning to think that the spiritual effects of this adoption are not only going to affect our future child but also us...in a big, big way. The very first donation that we received literally brought me to tears. And with the couple more that we received this week, more tears flowed. Matt and I are eternally grateful and forever touched by the mere fact that God is providing and people are hearing the call of the Lord to support us. So I went to the chapel tonight to pray for those people that generously gave towards our adoption this week, so that a child will have the opportunity to have parents and Matt and I would be able to have the blessing of children in our lives.

As I sat in the chapel with Jesus in Blessed Sacrament not there, I began to think of Mary Magdalene visiting the tomb of Jesus and realizing that He was not there.


"Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.  So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”
"... Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb ."- John 20

As I reflected on that scene in silence, asking the Lord to speak to me, I connected with Mary. I came to  see Jesus where I knew He would be. But He wasn't there. My initial reaction was much like Mary's, sadness, disappointment, confusion. But then God reminded me of the hope of the resurrection! He reminded me once again that Jesus is not only present in the most Blessed Sacrament but truly and totally present in the people in our lives. Earlier this week, I fell to my knees when we received our very first donations towards our adoption. I literally felt like the funds towards our adoption were not only coming from the people that sent them but truly from God Himself. And with each donation, I feel in a deeper way, Christ's love for me. I know that this all sounds like a christianese thing that people nonchalantly say, "the Lord provides blah blah blah"...But until you've stepped out in a way of faith that scares the mess out of you and you actually see God working and providing immediately, those words no longer seem so cliche. He so provides.

It's early in the process of fundraising and we have a ways to go but with each day that passes, our faith is altered in ways that we could have never imagined without first hearing the call of the Lord to adopt and taking the jump.

Thank you to those that have donated to us already this week. You have no idea how you have been Christ to Matt, myself and our future child. Your notes of love bring endless tears of joy. We're keeping those little love notes as proof of God's amazing power ...when people simply answer His call.

Just as a note, the Blessed Sacrament and the monstrance were in fact not present in the chapel that night due to the fact that St. Matt's was celebrating First Friday Mass. I must have gotten there as it was ending. There were cars leaving the parking lot to the church. Jesus had been distributed in the flesh to those who attended the First Friday Mass just minutes before I came...another reminder that Jesus in the flesh is truly alive in His people. God is so, so good.

One Man's Junk Is Another Man's Treasure!

Our first official fundraiser for our adoption is coming upon us! My amazing sister, Sarah, has graciously taken the initiative to throw this awesome fundraiser for our adoption. We got the idea from our awesome friends, Matt and Catherine, who had a yard sale a couple of years ago for their international adoption where they raised and unbelievable $4,000! What an incredible blessing to them and their sweet baby, Elizabeth. We drove to Richmond to help and little did we know that we were going to witness such a miracle. It was an amazing way to get the community involved in their adoption but also to spread the word about adoption and show others that they truly CAN afford to adopt, with the Lord's help. They were definitely a witness to us and continue to be. They're unwavering faith through this 2+ year journey to bring their baby home from Africa is simply beautiful.

We are accepting donations towards our yard sale now! So if you have anything you'd like to donate, let me know! We can come pick it up from you! If you'd like to come and shop, please do! And tell your friends and church communities. Because, yes we need stuff to sell but we also need buyers! So please, spread the word.

Our yard sale is on November 3rd

7am to 2pm or whenever we sell out, come as early as you can!

1313 Sparrow Road Chesapeake, Va! 

Hope to see you there! 

2012 Adoption Tax Credit

Help sign this petition to keep adoption affordable. The adoption Tax Credit is under review for 2012. Families wanting to adopt NEED this tax credit to help with the high cost of adoption. Take 2 seconds and sign this petition for us! 


Click here and Sign the Petition

Thank you so so much! Pray that they extend this tax credit. It will help us along with all people adopting greatly.

The Process

The number one question we have received from people learning of our plan to adopt through Gladney  is, "So...how long until you get a baby?". It's a question that looms over the mind of many who know we have desired a child for so. many. years. It's a question that most prospective adoptive parents are yearning to know themselves. Interestingly enough, it's the very first topic the CEO of Gladney took the initiative to address in the first 3 minutes of our orientation day at Gladney a couple of months ago. He knew that it was something all 18 or so couples at the orientation were dying to know. So here is what he said. On average, the wait before placement (when the child is placed with the adoptive parents) is approximately 12 to 15 months. But in the same sentence he said, "Now you can throw that timeline out the window". Nice. Because every single circumstance is different. It could be sooner. It could be longer.  It's funny how the length of time of this process has honestly really never crossed my mind. What looms over in my head is, "WILL I receive a child...and WILL that child ever be taken away". So...I asked those very questions that day, needing to know what Gladney would say.

Matt and I, over prayer, have decided on participating in the Domestic Infant Adoption program. We prayed about doing international adoption but honestly, didn't feel a tug from the Lord towards a particular country. Not that we don't have a heart for other countries but we've always felt a strong urge to love on children in the U.S. There is a lot of poverty in all parts of the world...sometimes it just looks differently. We feel strongly that choosing to adopt from the U.S. is an answer to abortion in our country. As Christians, we  pray earnestly in front of abortion clinics and vote Pro-life in elections (which, might I add, is all so so good and necessary) but Matt and I feel it's our duty also as Christians to answer the cries of these birth moms and babies and open our homes to them. What a beautiful culture of life we would have if all families, whether fertile or infertile, seriously discerned adoption as a part of their vocation journey!

Some of you who know our story might be wondering, "But isn't domestic adoption risky?" Adoption is risky. It's not an easy process. Whether domestic or international, there is always the likelihood of a bumpy road ahead of you.  Yes, we will most likely meet our child's birth mother but honestly even after all we have been through with our previous private and very open adoption,  (meaning through and attorney and not an agency), I would still love to meet my child's birth mom so that one day I can tell him/her about the courageous woman that showed Christ in a very real way through choosing life and choosing adoption for her child. If I were an adopted child, I would want to know who my birth mother was. I would want to know my story.

Back to the process. We first sign up with the agency meaning we fill out mounds of paperwork and give them a percentage of the total cost of the adoption. Done. Next in our process is to get a home study completed. We have chosen an agency to do our home study that is local since our adoption agency is in Texas. This process can take up to three months if we move quickly on it. Once we complete our home study and we are approved, we will begin working on our Profile Book that will be shown to birth moms. It will consist of lovely pictures of YOU, our family and friends, as well as our home and our little pup Bella. We will also write information about our lives and things we love to do inside the book. Our caseworker, who has several other couples on her list, will go down her list of couples and match up birth moms to couples according to different criteria such as how long we've been waiting in the process, things we are okay with like drug use history, race, mental illness that may run in the birth family, etc. All this we have filled out in our mounds of paperwork. If we seem to match up well with a birth mother that they have come in contact with, our caseworker will show the birth mom our profile book. This particular birth mom will more than likely have several other books to choose from  as there are three case workers that work at Gladney. IF the mother chooses us, we will get a call from our caseworker and we will more than likely arrange to meet the birthmother in Texas or wherever she is. This is typically over dinner with our caseworkers present. This will be completely and utterly nerve wracking but also a great opportunity to be a witness of our love for each other and for the Lord to her. There is a chance that we do not meet the birth mother, if that is what she chooses to do, though most moms at least want to meet the couples.

If all goes well and we are MATCHED!! with a birth mother, it is up to us and what we agree on with the birth mother as far as future interactions with her. It may be that we send, through the agency, pictures and/or letters for the first few years of our child's life. Which is all good to me. Why not show the birth mother what an amazing choice of LIFE she made and that her decision to choose adoption was so right for her child!?

Once we are matched with a birth mom, it is generally 3 months or less until our child is born. Birth mothers do not choose adoptive parents until they are in the last trimester. Gladney does a lot of counseling with the mothers in preparation and they want them to make decisions that they will commit to before involving adoptive couples. Back to the two questions that loomed in my mind, "What if we never get picked? And if we are, will our child ever be taken away?" Gladney said that yes, we will eventually get picked if we stick with the process. They pretty much guarantee it.  As to my second question, there has been one time in this particular worker at Gladney's history of working at Gladney (20 years!) that a child was ever been taken out of the adoptive parent's home. She said that Gladney NEVER suggests to an adoptive couple to take the child before ALL parental rights are relinquished. In this particular situation, the birthmother signed over her rights but Gladney was waiting to find the birth father (sometimes that is a tricky and lengthly process). The adoptive parents wanted the baby in there home as soon as possible so they insisted in having the child come into their home. Long story short, the father of the child came forward and wanted his child. The child was taken from their home. Gladney warned the parents and highly suggested that they not take the child but I can completely understand the adoptive parent's desire to be with their child. Gladney works very hard to ensure this never happens. They have been in the domestic adoption business for 125 years and strongly suggest we take their advice in situations like this. One way in which they ensure to protect adoptive parents from this is by providing Transitional Care for infants. Every birth mother has the right to change her mind in the first 48 hours of the birth. And sometimes, because of legal issues with the birth father and trying to locate him especially if the birth mother has had multiple partners around the time of conception, there is a wait time anywhere from a few days to as long as 31 days. In this case, our child, will stay with the Transitional Families. These are people who volunteer with Gladney to take care of newborns in their homes for those few days or weeks. God bless those beautiful people. Gladney wants the Placement moment for adoptive parents to be free of worry and just a moment of pure joy. I have to admit, that this blows me away. I can not even imagine that the first time I hold my baby, he/she will truly be mine without a fear in the world that he/she will be taken from me. I think I am going to have a hard time believing that. My only experience of being given a child was filled with so many questions, fears, unknowns. Placement day with Gladney will truly be a day of pure joy for us. I'm pretty sure I'll just cry my eyes out like I almost do each time I  think about that day.

So...there is the process in a nutshell...believe me, there is a lot more to it especially legally but we honestly feel called to this agency because of how much it protects all lives involved. They offer counseling to us, to birth moms and even to our future child. If he/she is a teenager and is having serious issues dealing with being adopted and wanting to know why his/her birth mom could give them up, Gladney counselors are trained and willing to offer free counseling to our child for the rest of their lives. Gladney wants to be a part of every adoptive families lives and continue to offer services. They also offer free counseling services to birth moms even after the birth if they are having a difficult time grieving the loss of their child. They are a wonderful agency that we truly trust. But ultimately, our trust and faith in this whole process is mostly definitely on Jesus. Because He is the true life giver and the one who will ensure that the right child is united with us.

Please pray for us in this process. Pray for our caseworker and all involved at Gladney. That they would have good discernment in choosing birth moms to look at our profile book. Pray that Matt and I wait well in this process. That we focus on others rather than just ourselves and our adoption. It's easy to get consumed with the process and the waiting. Pray that we use our time of waiting to serve others because I know that is what Jesus wants. Pray for our future child, his birth mom, and for Matt and I. Pray that the Lord teaches us over the next year what it truly means to be good, Christian parents and how to raise a child to love and serve Jesus with their whole lives.

We need your prayers.

Rain, Coffee and Adoption

There is nothing better than a lazy rainy Saturday morning with a hot cup of coffee in hand, writing about something I love...adoption. I wanted to take the moment to share more about Gladney and the adoption process with them. We originally heard about Gladney through our awesome friends, Matt and Catherine who were in the process of adopting a child from Rwanda through them. They had nothing but awesome words to say about Gladney as an organization. They had heard about Gladney through others in their church that had adopted through them. Nothing but good words about an adoption agency was something we had been searching for for years. Before we were blessed with the random act of God in our private (not agency assisted) adoption of Josiah, we had researched agencies and talked with people who had first hand experience with those agencies and always came up with negative experiences with the local agencies we had researched. We realized quickly that choosing the right agency was half of the battle in this entire process. I mean, after all, $20,000-$40,000 and your hearts are on the line. So this time around, we decided to check out Gladney Center for Adoption, though it was all the way in Fortworth, Texas!

Luckily, we had family who lived in Texas at the time (they have since moved back to VA...talk about good timing!). So we were able to make it a long comfortable trip to Texas. We stayed with my aunt Bobbi for five nights and she so graciously showed us around Texas. Our trip was amazing! Good food, town festivals, the Stockyards, I sat on a long horn! And most importantly, we had an amazing time at the Gladney orientation. The orientation was a full eight hour day filled with non-stop information about the step by step process of adoption through them. We heard from the CEO, financial director, legal director, caseworkers, social media director, real birth moms and real adoptive parents who have all recently been through the process with Gladney. Our heads hurt once the day ended... but in a good way. :) They truly made our trip to Texas worth it. We left with a huge binder of information to take home to read over and mounds of paperwork to fill out if we indeed wanted to begin the process with them. After the long eight hour orientation, we sat in a local Texas burger joint with my aunt and we excitedly told her about every detail of the orientation. I can not tell you enough how amazingly awesome it was to have family there to process it all with immediately after. She was a support to us in ways that I don't think she will ever quite realize. God was all over our entire trip, from amazing air fair deals to having family in town. All of our questions about the agency and about the process were answered and we had a definite confidence and peace with Gladney. After a lot of prayer and about a month of saving, preparing and paperwork, we are in it with Gladney for the long haul!

It Takes a Village

This is our support letter which, I feel, God inspired me  to write months ago even before us going through the adoption process was a definite go. I sat down and just wrote what my heart was longing and we haven't changed it since (except for a few grammatical things by my awesome technical writing husband :).  It's pretty humbling and scary to ask for money from people not knowing the response you'll receive but all trust and faith is in the Lord and faith and trust is in the people around us that know us and know our story. Please read it, pray about it and feel free to contact me for information on how you can donate to bringing our long awaited baby home. My email address is hamrick.kimberly@gmail.com. We now have a Paypal account up on our blog so your donations can be quick and easy and not cost you an envelope and a stamp. Thank you for your love and support and most importantly prayers through this process.


Dear Family and friends,

Incase you hadn’t heard, we are expecting!!!  We’re expecting to adopt a little baby boy or girl.  After years of praying for our future children, God has called us to adoption.  Many of you are aware of our journey thus far and know how deeply we’ve desired to raise a child to love and serve the Lord.   We have been through quite a journey to this point but we’re overcome with excitement now that we are taking this leap of faith.  God first put adoption on our hearts years ago and has, time and time again, reminded us of his command to love and care for the orphan.  He has taught us, through much prayer, the deep spiritual connection of adoption in that we are all adopted sons and daughters of our Father in heaven.  In Romans 8:15-16, St. Paul tells us that the spirit we have received as Christians has brought us into an adopted relationship with God, “through which we cry, ‘Abba, Father!’  The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.”  We are heirs through our adoption; God has chosen us.  And now God has decided to form our family through adoption.  We deeply believe that earthly adoption is an amazing witness and example of the Gospel and we feel strongly called to participate in this beautiful story of our faith.

It is amazing to see how God has worked in our life and in our marriage to get us to this point.  We’ve done extensive research and have decided upon an adoption agency in Texas called Gladney Center for Adoption.  We personally have friends who have used Gladney in their adoption endeavor and have highly recommended them.  We recently visited the agency and are extremely impressed with them, their staff, professionalism, and expertise.  Gladney, a non-profit, is one of the oldest adoption agencies in the United States and a highly respected adoption agency that has been doing domestic infant adoptions for 125 years.  We have chosen to adopt domestically through this awesome organization.
You may be asking, “How does this concern me?”  First, we ask you, our dear friends and family, to pray.   We have been praying for our future children for years and we know that our child will need all the prayers he/she can get as they may be growing in his/her mother’s womb at this very moment.  Please, also, pray for our child’s birth mother, as making the decision to place her child for adoption is not easy but is so incredibly courageous, especially in a culture that condones and even encourages abortion.  Pray for her heart and her life, that she will experience the Lord through adoption.  And thank the Lord for her decision to choose life!

We would also like to ask that you prayerfully consider supporting us financially, as adoption is very expensive.  The cost of the domestic program we have been accepted into will end up costing us around $20,000.  This cost includes home study fees, attorney fees, adoptive and birth parent counseling (plus many more agency services), and any other costs that the agency will need in providing transitional care for our child from it’s birth until he or she is united with us.  It is humbling to say, but we are relying on the Lord to provide as we do not have $20,000 at this time.  We are working hard to save, but also believe in a God that can do anything when He moves, and we know with every fiber of our being that He has led us here.  Therefore, we’re trusting and we’re asking you to help us in giving a baby boy or girl a loving home and an amazing Christian community.  Everyday, we thank the Lord for the blessing of awesome Christian friends and family that surround us.  Our hearts jump with joy at the thought that we will be able to give that experience to a little boy or girl that may otherwise have never experienced Christian community in their lives.

We truly appreciate your support in this amazing journey of adoption.  We also pray that we will be a witness to the beauty of adoption and our journey will compel others to care for the orphans in a world where there is such a great need.  God bless you and we again thank you with all of our hearts for your support, prayers, and friendship.

Sincerely,

Matt and Kim

We're Expecting!!!!

The two words I have been longing to say for SO long....we're expecting!!! Our journey to live out God's plan for our lives in starting a family has been one of ups and downs but one that has brought us to places in our relationship with Christ and with each other that we could have never imagined. Through our trial, God has taught us that it is in the suffering that we truly grow closer with his Son and we learn more of what love truly is. Love is suffering. Just look at the cross. The most ultimate gift of love to humanity. We have also learned what it means to turn inward, towards each other in the midst of pain rather than away. Our society today screams, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going". But over and over again, the bible shows us a God that turns ever more towards us in our times of trial. We see Christ in the garden of Gethsemane...in the midst of immense pain, turning towards God in prayer. So over the past six plus years of marriage and twelve total years of being together, whether we be on a mountain top of joy or in the garden on our knees, we have learned to turn inward towards each other and our eyes to our Father in heaven.

So...let's get to that mountain top of joy, shall we? Yes, you have heard it right, we're expecting! We're expecting to adopt through an agency called, Gladney and we can't be more thrilled. It is something that has been on our hearts for so so long and we're actually taking the leap of faith and trusting in God's calling and the deep desire to adopt he has placed on our hearts for years. Honestly, I can't really tell you how it exactly happened that we take this leap of faith but a few months ago I was praying about our future and the possibility of adoption that Matt and I had always kept out hearts open to and it dawned on me pretty clearly...God calls...no, commands us to care for orphans over and over again in scripture. Matt and I desire to adopt...what's holding us back? I will tell you....finances. Adopting through an agency whether domestic or abroad is incredibly expensive ranging anywhere from $20,000 to $45, 000. But one day after prayer it dawned on me that the fears that I was believing in were not who God is. A God that doesn't provide for us isn't the God I believe in... I believe in a God that says, "I am the good Shepherd" John 10:11.

The Good Shepherd tends to his flock, cares for them, provides for them, even lays down his life for them. That's my God and I was tired of believing otherwise. So from that moment on I heard the voice of my Shepherd and I had a real faith in Christ, the Good Shepherd. Sure, I have had quick moments of insanity since, where my fears get the best of me...but overall, over the last few months, I have had a real and divine sense of peace about the financial aspects of our adoption. Sometimes I think God has given that sense of assurance to me so that I can really focus on the other aspects that I may have some difficulty with especially after our experience with adoption before.. I truly believe that God will provide the finances for us to adopt and I truly believe He will bring us the baby that He intends to be our son or daughter for forever. This road will be long and I am certain in won't be easy (although, I'll take easy for sure!) but I know that through it all, Matt and I will grow ever more closer to each other and to Christ. And one day a little tiny baby will have parents who will love them and teach them of our awesome God, the Good Shepherd.

                                                       Photo taken by our sweet sister-in-love, Christi Hamrick

Healing: Mind, Body and Soul

After about seven months of healing from our son being taken from us, we decided to look deeper into what was going on with me physically that made it impossible for us, thus far, to have a child biologically. We signed up to learn the Creighton Model of Natural Family Planning. We had heard through friends who also had a difficult time conceiving that this was an amazing system with a network of Catholic doctors who might be able to help. We traveled every two weeks to Richmond to the, at that time, closest Creighton Instructor.  It was an amazing experience to learn the method and learn more about our bodies. We chose to use the days traveling there as getaway days or date days. We'd stop somewhere and have lunch and just enjoy the car rides together. Our instructor was wonderful and we began to be true believers in this method even though we hadn't even achieved pregnant with it. After a couple of months of charting, we were able to see a Napro Doctor. This system of doctors use Napro Technology. They have the mindset in the fertility world to actually get to the root of the problem of each individual woman and fix it so that she can conceive as naturally as possible. This is the exact opposite of the mindset of most all fertility doctors today.

The closest Napro doctor was in Pennsylvania. So we made the drive to visit Dr. Stegman. Upon an examination and studying my charting and past fertility records from the clinic we first visited a couple of years prior, he came to the conclusion that he did not think that I had polycystic ovaries at all but that I might have endometriosis which would not show up on any ultrasound or anything. It is the type of thing that requires surgery to really find out if I did in fact have it. This was a shock! He was saying that I was completely  misdiagnosed prior and that he thought I had endometriosis though I did not seem to show any of the usual symptoms that you hear about. But somehow, I trusted him and I trusted the Creighton Model system and it's 30 years of research behind it and this network of Catholic doctors. So surgery was scheduled...for Dec. 23rd. Merry Christmas to me!

We traveled to Pennsylvania and I had  laprascopic surgery. My first surgery ever. I asked Matt beforehand if after the surgery we could order Papa Johns pizza and watch HGTV in the hotel room because I was sure I'd want to rest. Little did I know that I would end up spending the night in the hospital because of my strong and bad reaction to the anesthesia. It was a four hour surgery and was pretty rough on my body. He did, however, find endometriosis! He was able to blast it away with his magical laser. Pretty cool stuff. He also took a first hand look at my ovaries and again confirmed that I was not polycystic. Crazy. I remember coming to after the anesthesia wore off in the operating room and Dr. Stegman was there. He told me briefly what he found and all I could say was, "So was that what was causing us trouble with getting pregnant?" He said, "Quite possibly, any amount of Endometriosis can interfere with conception". I then let out a sigh of relief. Finally. Answers.

We drove home on Christmas Eve and let's just say that I did not make it to Mass that night. Father, forgive me. It was probably the first time in well...forever that I missed Mass and it was when I needed it probably the most. But my amazing husband went to Mass and brought me back Jesus in the Eucharist. He's always bringing me Jesus...in so many ways. I love that man.

On Christmas day, I woke up to the following note from my husband. Best, Christmas Present. Ever. Seriously, this is worth saving and so I did. Here it is, almost a year later and this letter bring tears to my eyes and I am most definitely certain brings glory to God.

My beautiful and cherished Wife,

As I sit here getting last minute gifts together for Christmas tomorrow (what’s new...its my Christmas Eve tradition), I’m watching the live Christmas Eve solemn mass at the Basilica in Washington, D.C.  I think its crazy that just today, this very day we drove right through D.C. and very close to the Basilica where mass is being celebrated right now in our nation’s capital.  As tired as I am, I can’t help but think what a day its been.  

I woke up in a hotel at 6 in the morning in the mountains of Pennsylvania, took our dog out for a walk, drove across a beautiful river stacked with old bridges, picked up my wife at a hospital, drove from Pennsylvania’s capital down toward the eastern seaboard, around Baltimore, through D.C., was blessed to make a stop to see some family in the heart of VA, and ended up back at our house that you’ve made such a peaceful home (by your always tasteful decor, but also your beautiful holy woman’s heart).  On top of that, I was able to go to mass with your family and come home in time to tuck you in for the night.  Not sure you’re dreaming of sugar plums right now, but I’m praying God is giving you dreams that don’t include hospital beds or drinking apple juice from a straw.

What a day its been.  I’ve had a lot of time to think today.  Lots of car time and lots of prayer time.  

I told you this morning when we walked out the front door of the hospital to our car, that I felt joy on the way to pick you up this morning.  But I’m not sure you grasped what I was saying or how I really felt.  Or maybe I didn’t express myself well.  Or maybe you were drugged up (haha most likely).  But Kimberly, I was overjoyed to be driving to my wife, that you were well enough to be released from the hospital, and that on all days, but especially Christmas Eve, I was charging toward my lovely amazing lady to sweep her out of the hospital and take her home.  Haha so maybe it didn’t happen like that to you, but in my heart thats how I felt.  That I would have run all the way from the hotel if I had to.  I would have run to you.  I was so glad you were finally given the OK and we were going HOME.  

The car ride allowed me much time to contemplate things too.  And bottom line, I felt overwhelmingly grateful for you, for our marriage, for the things God has blessed us with.  I mean really...just the opportunity to have this surgery, not many people in the world can do this.  And to be able to wake up one morning three states away and by night be at home with you.  Amazing.  And then as tired as I was, to be able to celebrate Christmas Eve mass.  

I walked out of church through a mostly empty parking lot after mass tonight with Jesus in my pocket.  I couldn’t leave him there, I felt like it was just wrong for some reason, like he needed more respect than a pocket.  So I held him in my hands walking toward the car.  I felt like I was holding the light of the world in my hands.  Like in the spiritual realm, light was streaming out of my hands like rays.  And I have the blessing to give this wonderful gift, the gift of life, to you.  Again, what an opportunity.  How blessed we are. 

Now I’m sitting here watching mass up in D.C. and the same Jesus is being offered there.  Again, amazing.  Right now he’s being broken for everyone in that Basilica.  Kimberly, the masses tonight have really made me fall in love with you more than ever.  Jesus took on humanity to relate to us, broke his self for us, and gave him self to unite us in flesh.  The last couple days, you have given yourself to me in a way that goes beyond words.  You’ve undergone a crazy surgery, been put under crazy drugs, endured uncomfortable living situations, and barely slept continuously.  Kimberly, you’ve had your own flesh poked and prodded and broken.  You’ve bled.  For me.  You love me and our marriage and future enough to go through that.

Amazing.  You have loved me like Christ loved the Church.

Kimberly, you have taught me so much in life.  Lifted me up and encouraged me.  Always been there by my side.  You’ve shown me so much about love.  If there was ever a time where I saw the connection between the marriage covenant and Christ’s covenant with his bride, then its now.  I can’t believe you would do the things you’ve done in order to show your love for me and your dedication to our marriage.  You have put Ephesians 5 on a whole new level.  You have loved me like a perfect bride.  You have pointed me to Christ because you loved me like Christ.  And as different as the circumstances have made this Christmas, one thing is true...no matter what is going on or where we are, Christmas to me is being with you.

I love you deeply Kimberly, I love you more and more with each day and each year and each Christmas, and most especially this one, because you have truly brought Christ to me.

-Matthew

Our First Son

Okay, ya'll, it's about to get vulnerable up in here. I have to admit that I haven't read what I am about to post in about 1.5 years. Our journey to become parents has been a struggle every day but we wouldn't trade it for the world. The next few pages will be about our first experience with adoption. I wrote this about 5 months after our adopted son, Josiah, was taken from us. As you can imagine, there was a lot of pain and hurt still there but I feel it also showed God's amazing redemption.

                                       Josiah Caleb

I think that it’s about time I sat down and wrote about our son. Please disregard my run-on sentences and typos. Being an English minor I tend to focus on those things but right now I feel God is asking me to just write. Write like I think and feel. 

It has been five months to the day since we were eagerly awaiting our baby boy to arrive into the world. After desiring children for our entire 4 1/2 year marriage, our dream of being parents was finally going to come true. God put adoption on my heart years ago in college and after daily rosaries and prayers offered up for my husband to feel the same, we had mutually come to the desire/decision to adopt.  We were excited to begin the journey but equally terrified. Adoption was a risky and expensive investment. But worth every penny and emotional turmoil. For adoption hadn’t become just a “plan B” or “last resort”. For us, it had become something so much more. It had become theologically beautiful. After reading several books on preparing yourself for adoption such as A Guide to Successful Christian Adoption and You Can Adopt. It wasn’t until after reading a book called Adopted For Life  that our eyes were opened fully to the beauty of adoption. God himself adopts each one of us as his sons and daughters at our baptism. Adoption is a beautiful example of the gospel. This book opened our eyes to many things. Too many actually to write. Go read the book. But the one thing God really opened our eyes and tested our true desires. Did we truly desire to be parents? Or did we just want to pass on our DNA? He showed us that adoption is just as valid and amazing has being biological parents. I could go on and on to what God has taught us through our good friends who are adopting a baby boy from Rwanda, Matt and Catherine Allison, and through the book Adopted for Life. But I will spare you the reading time and get back to our story. 

One Sunday afternoon Matt and I had been discussing adoption and researching agencies. We had decided to take the leap of faith. We just weren’t sure which way God wanted us to go. Adoption is expensive and thirty grand is a lot of money to place in any one agencies’ hand. We had to make the right decision. We had spent the day researching and talking with people that had adopted and used agencies. At the end of the day, we ended up at a crossroads. We had heard conflicting things about the potential agencies and were left unsure. That night, I went to bed. And Matt had said to me that he really felt that God was going to provide us with a Parental Placement. For those of you non adoption savvy people, that means that instead of going through an agency, God would provide us with a family that wanted to place their child with us and we would go through an attorney instead. Of course, a home study would be done through an agency or through the state but it would mostly be God joining two families that need each other in each other’s path. I admired Matt’s faith and patience on the Lord but my type A, controlling personality wasn’t feeling that. How would we know that this was really going to happen? I mean, it could be ten years before something like that happens! Hadn’t we waited on the Lord enough in our journey to be parents? 

After I went to bed that night, Matt received a phone call from his friend, Matt Allison, whom had been trying to connect with him all weekend but circumstances forbid it. I believe God wanted Matt and I to officially make the decision, step out in faith to adopt before Matt had spoken with Matt A. Matt told him that Gwenn, a woman we had briefly met just weeks prior at Matt and Catherine’s adoption fundraiser yard sale, knew of a young girl that was considering adoption and that Gwenn immediately thought of Matt and I. It wasn’t certain that this girl wanted to place her baby for adoption but she wanted to meet a couple seeking adoption to get a picture in her mind of who her baby would end up with if she decided to go that route. We agreed to meet with her. Even if it only meant that her eyes would be opened to her options. We met in Richmond at the Allison’s home. This was a midway point for each family. Our meeting was amazing. God was completely all over the conversation and the house was filled with his presence. He truly anointed that home. Probably because Gwenn and Mrs. Allision (Catherine’s mom) walked the house in prayer for days prior. We talked, laughed, cried and were so honest with our sharing. It was amazing. We left Richmond that day feeling so good about the meeting even if it simply showed this young girl a Christian couple seeking God’s will in their lives. We truly felt God has used us in her life even if we had never spoken to her again. The day we met in Richmond was Oct. 15, 2010. The feast of St. Gerard. The saint we had been asking intercession from for months and months regarding our inability to conceive. Pretty amazing how God worked that out. 

A few days had gone by with no word from the family until Tues. Oct. 18th. I received a call from the birthmom’s mom and she said that they had decided to place the baby boy with us! I immediately cried on the phone to her in excitement. I called Matt and told him. It was probably the happiest thing I have ever told Matt. I imagine it’s probably much like a woman telling her husband that she was pregnant! True bliss. Matt was amazed, shocked and so happy. We also noticed that the 18th was Matt’s fast and pray day for the unborn. Coincidence? I think not. 

That is when the roller coaster began in the Hamrick home. We immediately told family and friends (who were as shocked as we were that this came about so quickly). But when you truly desire to be parents, it’s a holy calling and you drop everything and be parents, no matter what. We decorated the nursery, bought all the furniture and even had a baby shower in the two weeks before his Nov. 1 due date. It was an amazing whirlwind. Scary but amazing. I wrapped things up at my job and continued contact with the birth mom throughout the following weeks. We even discussed baby names with each other. She had the right to choose his name and she wanted to. She had chosen Josiah which was really funny because just a week before she told us the name she wanted for him, my close friend and spiritual warrior, Tamice has told me we should name him Josiah so that name was in the back of my head. When the birth mom told me the name, I was floored that God had even down to his name planned big things for this child and blessed this whole situation. We picked the middle name. His name was to be Josiah Caleb Hamrick. 

One day at work I received a text that said, “Hope you are ready, I am being induced tomorrow”. I shook with excited and wanted to leave work immediately. We packed our bags and headed to Richmond that night so that we could be at the hospital early the next morning. 

We arrived to the hospital very scared and excited. We met up with the birth mom’s mom and dad in the hospital. We had met the mom but hadn’t met the dad (or granddad of Josiah).  He was unsure of the whole situation and couldn’t understand “giving up your child”. But after talking honestly with him for an hour and tears being shed and hugs being given, he felt assured that  God wanted this baby with us. We then got to the news that things were progressing well with delivery and that the birth mom wanted me in the delivery room with her when she gave birth. I had been hoping and longing to be able to be there but respected any decision she would make. But she chose me to be there!!! I broke down in tears when Josiah’s granddad gave me the news. It was like I could finally breathe! 

Within 45 minutes of pushing, bleeding, puking, Josiah Caleb had arrived! It was a beautiful picture. Here we had the birth mom giving birth, her mom holding one of her legs (sorry for the graphics) and the adoptive mom (me) holding the other leg. All three praying in the spirit the whole time. It was truly the gospel alive in our midst. Life, Sacrifice, Redemption.  It’s true what they say when you count the fingers and toes of your newborn. That’s exactly what I found myself doing. It was amazing. I was the first to hold him and I even was asked to cut his umbilical cord.

The following four days in the hospital were some of the most amazing days of my life. They were also filled with great uncertainty as the birth mom could change her mind at any moment. We were bonding more with our son every minute that we had him. He stayed with us in our room at the hospital with occasional visits with his birth mom and family. Those times were extremely difficult for us. Fear filled me up to where it was difficult to even swallow. If there was ever any doubt if we would love Josiah like our own biological son, it was diminished that very first night with him. I felt helplessly in love with him during the night feedings. He was as much our son as if I had birthed him myself. Adoption is a beautiful and holy thing. And all that we had read about and heard about had come alive for Matt and I during those days with him in the hospital. 

November 4th was the day we were all discharged from the hospital. Parting with the birth family was extremely difficult. We spend time in prayer around Josiah together. More tears were shed as we all said our goodbyes. It was the most difficult time of my life up to that point. Little did I know what was ahead of us still. God was going to ask so much more from Matt and I. 

We arrived home that night with our son! It was such an amazing night. But exhausting because I hadn’t slept since Josiah was born. Mostly because of the extreme stress we had been in at the hospital with the birth family. I still didn’t sleep the first night we had him home with us. I was constantly up watching him sleep. Scared that his little grunting noises in his sleep were him choking. I was such a newbie mom. But he was such a gift to me that I was scared for anything to happen to him. Little did I know that I was going to lose him the very next day.

It was 9:30am on Nov. 5th that I got a call from our attorney letting me know that the birth mom had called her and changed her mind. She wanted to warn me that she was going to call me soon. My heart sank to a place I never knew it could. I sat there looking at Josiah with a lump in my stomach and tears streaming down my face. I burst into the room where Matt was sleeping, woke him up and told him the news. I still feel bad for waking him up like that with the worst news ever. I bet he thought he was having a nightmare. After crying, avoiding a call from the birth mom (I wasn’t ready to respond quite yet) and listening to her voice message that she had change her mind and needed him back, I decided to get in the shower. It was then in the shower that I just barely began to break down and I prayed to God, “God, I can’t do this. I am not strong enough for this.” God said to me, “ Yes you are. I am with you.”. And I swallowed real hard and stopped my tears. I knew from that minute on that I was going to get through this. I had to get through this. After my shower I called the birth mom back and we made arrangements for her to come get Josiah that evening. Meanwhile Matt got a call from Matt A. who had heard the news through Gwenn. Praise God that Matt A . heard the call from God to call us that morning. He spoke such clear truth to us. He said that we probably didn’t want to hear this and that he was scared to even tell us this but that as he was praying for us this morning he heard God tell him to tell us that #1 God is always faithful and #2 we had the biggest opportunity to show Christ in this situation. Being a witness isn’t exactly what you are feeling like doing when someone is ripping the child of your dreams out of your hands after only four days with him. But it was exactly what Matt and I needed to hear. God had got us to a place in one day that we never thought we could be. He gave us the grace we needed to be able to get to a peaceful place before the birth family had arrived to get Josiah that night. Matt went to prayer after talking with Matt A. He sat in the guest room on the computer chair with his legs resting on the bed and placed the crucifix that had been hanging in Josiah’s room before him on the bed. He was exactly where he was the night before at 3am up with Josiah. Josiah had been laying where the crucifix now was on the guest bed just 6 hours before. Matt had been gazing at his son on the bed. Now he was gazing at the crucifix... at God’s son. And the words Hope and Sacrifice streamed through Matt’s mind over and over. Hope and Sacrifice. Hope and Sacrifice. We spent the day with Josiah taking him to his first pediatric appointment and  having family and friends over to see him before he left. That day seemed like a blur while in it but is so clear to me now. The final thing we did with Josiah that night was baptize him. we felt called to do it as his parents. 

When the birth family arrived at 8:30pm on Nov. 5th, they were speechless. I can’t imagine how they felt coming in to take him. We didn’t want it to be too difficult for any of us. So we told them that we had already said our goodbyes to him. We got all of his things together and walked them out to the car. I handed him over to the 19 year old birth mom. She was terrified. But after she placed him in his car seat, I gave her a hug and whispered to her that she was going to be a great mom as long as she knew God and followed Him. And that was the last time we saw our son. 

From that moment on God has slowly made clear what seemed to be so unclear as to why this happened to us. Even this past week, God has continued to reveal to us His plan in all of this. We went to the parish mission at Holy Trinity church. Awesome, Fr. Dan asked Matt and I along with other young adults to have dinner with the guest speaker. We had small talk  which led to the guest speaker, Mark Hart, asking us what we did for a living. I told him that I nannied a newborn. He then made a comment about betting that made me want to have kids. I laughed it off thinking, ”Oh if you only knew”.  Later that night Matt thanked Mark for giving an amazing talk on the storms of life and God being there with us through them. Mark said to Matt” You guys want to have kids bad, don’t you”. Matt was shocked as we had never said anything to him about this. Matt said yes and gave him our 3 minute version of the past 6 months mentioning that we had closure because we baptized Josiah before he left our home. God at that moment spoke truth through Mark to Matt. Mark said that maybe God had used us to be Josiah’s parents for that short time so that we could baptize Josiah and he could become God’s son through the waters of baptism. Wow. Just stop and think about that for one minute. Let it sink in. At the time, we just thought that baptizing him was something we needed to do. Not sure why, probably for closure on our part and reassurance that he was going to be okay. Little did we know that God’s plan was so much bigger than that. 

We still miss him. We still think of him and pray for him daily. We know we are his spiritual parents forever.